The other side of the camera.

It's true... Once a year I manage to get in front of the camera.

I am not a fan of what time is doing to me, so you will rarely see me in a selfie or in any photo at all.  The hardest part is the wrinkles followed by my gummy smile. I guess I think backwards a few years--- I didn't think you lost youth so fast. I'm pretty sure I aged 10 years in the past few. I joke sometimes when I see people from high school looking so young and then I remember... "Oh yeah they don't have kids." This means they get enough sleep, have time to work out, have more disposable income to dress more stylish. Meanwhile I wear my yoga pants and sweat shirt with my hair pinned up everday.

This has been such a busy fall, so I scheduled our family photos back in September when A. I knew it would be warmer. B. The leaves hadn't changed yet.

We have done photos in the spring, fall, winter both early and mid summer so this was the in between. As much as I like fall portraits... I am not a fan of leaves as a backdrop come February. By February I am ready for summer and summer always looks fabulous on the walls.

Speaking of walls... Our whole downstairs is getting painted this winter (really Doug it is). It's been 10 years and 2 kids later and our walls show pen, dings, and unremoveable grim--they are gross and I am so ready for a make over; I just need to get the hubby on board.  I plan to paint our living room a shade of blue actually the paint sample reads, "blue willow." Over the last few weeks I have moved most of the kids living room toys to the play room. This has been an awesome decision.  Half of the toys would just get dragged out and never played with and just created a huge mess. Since moving the shelves up to the playroom, it's opened up a whole wall in our living room. I am planning to get some eclectic frames in various colors and make it our photo wall.

You would think being a photographer and all I would have these giant awesome prints on my wall. I have one and we own 4 small canvases. The most recent photo in our living room is small 4X6 family portrait of us when Miles was 6 month old, so that was only 1.5 year ago. I am a horrible printer and I hate it. I am so excited for this can of paint. I think it will be a whole new beginning to this room in which we spend most of our time. With the paint, some new toss pillows, a throw and wall of photos will make our living room the only room I will want to be in.

Here is a peek at our family mini session. I didn't order any prints of Harrison since I just took his 5 year portraits which I fully intend to get edited by his fifth birthday, FOR REAL. And you'll see a few more of just Doug and I in this series. I expressed to Karin that I wanted some good couple shots and  one I could blow up HUGE for our wall. I want to blow all of these images up huge.

Imagination is AWESOME.

This kid, his imagination & blocks.

We were outside this afternoon enjoying one of last fall days of 50s in Minnesota.  Harrison decided to rebuild our front steps (which ironically need to be rebuilt sooner than later).

The whole time he stacked the blocks meticulously he sang "Bob the Builder, Can We Fix It? Yes, We Can!"

He lives and breathes, building & constructing.

Halloween 2014: Super Heroes

 BOO!

I think Halloween is equally fun as an adult as it was when I was a kid. This is my 30th Halloween this year. I have spent many Halloweens trick or treating (from a clown, to a witch to a cow to and old lady), several celebrating with a drink in hand in not wearing enough clothing and now I spend Halloween trick or treating as a parent and keeping inventory on Reeses Peanut Butter cups.

I have always, always wanted to know why this holiday couldn't be moved to July? These costumes are definitely made for a warmer climate and we are keeping are kids up WAY too late on a school night and the next morning is sugar hangover. Thankfully, Halloween falls on Friday this year.

This year Harrison wanted to be a Ninja Turtle, Leonardo to be precise. We do have a Leonardo costume we bought on clearance last year, but it's sized 7/8 and he still drowns in it, so next year it is. Luckily we also swiped a Captain America and Spiderman costume last year on clearance as well. The total cost of the costumes was less than $12. I'll definitely be stalking the Halloween aisle at Target (as if I need another excuse to go there :).

I snagged some pictures of the boys outside this evening since tomorrow is forecasted rain all day and Halloween Day they will be dressed like a marshmallows getting to as many houses as they can before the frostbite takes hold.

Spider man!

Captain America!

There maybe a few less images of this guy.... But I am still stunned he let me get any keepers! He wasn't a fan of the hat. I'm glad pretending to eat leaves and rocks cracked a little smile.

And.... How cute are these personalized candy buckets? They even light up. WAY, WAY cooler than the glow stick we had as kids. The boys love them. Auntie Potter totally hit the nail on the head with these. I can't wait to see how much attention they draw on Friday night!


I was just about to put my camera away, but then this happened... And yes, they are holding hands.

Superheroes need to stay fit.

 Happy Halloween!

Sleeping in.

11:30 am. You slept until 11:30 yesterday morning.

"The Great Pumpkin Patch"

We go to the "Great Pumpkin Patch" on top of Stockton Hill every year. Really, this is the REAL "Great Pumpkin Patch," Charlie Brown.

Next year in addition to our family portraits I want some shots of all us getting pumpkins. As much as I love these...Mom is missing again this year. :)

Happy 2nd Birthday Miles!

It happened... another year went by.... excuse me, FLEW BY.


TWO.

I can't believe all things you do.


If you can get a stool or chair in your hands... the capabilities of destruction are endless! And what did Grandma Nelson get you for your birthday? A stool of your very own. Thanks grandma and know there are repercussions for your actions :)


You are naughty. Yep. No doubt.  You're two and TOTALLY can't help it... right? RIGHT? (Just checking).


Driver's training. Somewhere between 23 and 24 months you learned to steer. This has opened a whole new door to a life with a power wheel.  Though I will admit, you do need a  little redirection at times and reminder not to just drive off the curb... You have also taken more interest in riding toys. Most of the time I can find you moving your little feet behind your big brother on his bike. I am convinced if they made any trike/bike small enough for you to pedal you would take right off. I even catch you trying to figure out how to move the scooter while maneuvering your blanket off the side and keeping balance. You are our daredevil and we know your older brother was much too kind to us. We aren't ready, but here we go.

Your blanket and plug go everywhere with you. I am not ready for you to give up either and we are not making any attempts to try. We tried and tried with your brother and he finally gave up his plug with little effort at age 3 and he still sleeps with his blanket at almost 5. We all have your parenting pointers, tips, advice, and doctors opinion. My motto---"if it's not broken, don't fix it."


You are picky eater. Picky eating started earlier for you than your brother. You especially don't like tacos, pineapples, unpeeled apples, and sandwiches. I know if we only supplied fruit snacks and bananas at this house, you wouldn't complain a bit at meal times.


Talking. I was convinced you were going to be a chatter box when you started talking earlier on than your brother... But seems you have taken a curve and dip in the road and decided to talking is not a priority. You do a good job pointing and getting your point made that "getting by" is the route you have taken. You keep it short, sweet and to the point.


I have no idea how much you weigh, how tall you are. I guessing your weight is about 28-30lbs. We have doctors appointment at the end of the month. You have definitely grown. You are almost 2 shoe sizes bigger than your brother was at this age. Since you are part Nelson don't expect to be tall. Short and stalky is what runs in that line of genetics. You still wear 18-24 months pants and some 2 T bottoms fit and 2/3T tops.


Patience doesn't exist; it just doesn't. Melt downs happen, everyday, several times a day. "What are you telling me I can not have another pack of fruit snacks?" MELT DOWN. Full fledged fall to the ground---arms out, legs kicking. This is the point I pretty much am probably the suckiest mom at all time in the life of 2 year old. No fruit snacks? What? Call CPS.


"Time out". It's one of the most said phrases in our house. No need to elaborate.


Sleeping has been chaotic for you in the last month. It's no longer 8/8:30 tuck me into bed and say goodnight. NOPE. Those days are OVER. It's more of 8:30 bed time, followed by a lengthy time of jumping in your crib, talking to yourself or screeching in demand that you are indeed not ready for bed. 3 am has become a pretty regular---wonder what mom and dad are up to several nights (rather mornings) a week. Oh and I totally think you get the early morning memos that I get up at 4:30/5:00 to edit and think, "this is a good time to wake up." And then there are days like today... You slept until 11:30! 11:30 is worth retyping. WOW. I don't think I have even ever slept in to 11:30 even after a night of partying in college. Jealous.  Oh and while you were sleeping I took about a bazillion photos of you sleeping, I am obsessed with be able to get shots of your not moving.


Speaking of photos. The two photo attempts we did last week for 2 year portraits that flopped and flopped was brutal on your Momma. You know your Momma is a photographer and this was not cool. But then again you are two---and this probably was pretty cool. Anyways, we are done with attempts! The photographer for our family sessions snagged enough cute shots of you alone we are not attempting again. You win.


Birthday---back to your birthday. It was a little up and down. Turns out the age of TWO really shown through when we visited Lark Toy store. Naughty is the nicest way to describe our time there that ended much more prematurely than I planned---but you were running the show after all. You did love the rainbow sherbet you shared with me.... but SCREAMED while riding the carousel. I guess we both found out you don't like that ride.


Presents. Back at home you played with a bunch of new trucks Harrison picked out for you. Mommy and daddy bought you a trampoline. You love to jump. In fact you jump off/on to about anything in the house with the help of stools, pillows and your big brother.

Cake. You loved your cake. Cake is the best. I don't think you cared what was on it, you just wanted to dig into the frosting. I barely caught a photo of the cake without a finger tip diving into the frosting. I must however admit from a photographer's stand point I am disappointed with "blowing out the cake" shots. Turns out, when we turned out the lights you must have gotten frighten from the darkness that you wanted nothing to do with blowing on the candles on the cake. :( But you were right there to lick the frosting off of the candles.

Life is full of ups and downs, craziness, firsts, lasts and everything in between.


I hope you are enjoying life as much as we are baby boy! Happy 2nd birthday my Miles.










  

Toddler Problem: #308

Toddler Problem: #308-- When lunch is just too much.

Happy First Birthday in Heaven

Its been a tough year no doubt. Tomorrow is Whitney Dog's first birthday in heaven. It feels like this road has been so rough and untraveled and she's been gone so long.  So much of me thought I would be much better about it by now, accepting of her crossing the rainbow bridge and happy with the memories we made her with her... but as I sit here type this tears stream down my face. I miss my Whitney Dog. You know how they have the grieving cycle: denial, sadness, anger, and then acceptance? Well, 364 days later I think I have went this cycle 100s of times. She was more than a just a dog, she was my best friend. Saying goodbye to a best friend is the hardest thing, I've ever done.

For the past year Harrison has helped keep her alive with us...when so much of me wants to try to forget so it doesn't hurt so much. We built sand turtles on the beach last month and Harrison was insistent that we add a fifth turtle with wings, so Whitney can be with us. Her collar with her tags and square photo of her hangs from the review mirror in my car. Every time the breeze blows her tags jingle. Anyone who has had a pet knows this sound, you undeniably can't forget it.

There is so much of life we just wish you could control. The amount of time we have here isn't one of them. Obviously God needed Whitney more than we did, though I am still searching for the reason, perhaps I have already circled it a dozen times, but someday this will all make sense.


Miss you everyday. Happy First Birthday in Heaven Whitney Dog.

 

One year later.

It's been a while since I blogged a little bit life these days. Next week marks one year since I lost my job and began this new life of a part time stay at home mom & full time photographer. The journey has been full of twists as turns. Never did I ever imagine that my house would be dirtier when I was home more, nor did I imagine I would be using every once of down time editing photos or planning sessions and spending 3 hour some days just replying to e-mails. I can't remember the last TV show or movie I watched that I didn't have the lap top on my lap editing through the entire program. I thought somehow I would have time to play with the kids, keep the house clean, stay on top of laundry, have dinner made and stay of editing both professionally and personally and be the perfect wife. Never did I ever expect that everyday would be more of survival mode and I would be a 24/7 referee between brothers and I would have gone on two dates in 12 months.

Some days I feel like I totally suck as a mom. Especially the days I have to cut our fun short at the park, so we can rush home, eat lunch and take a nap, so Momma can work. Sadly, work revolves around nap time, well basically nap time is meal planning, editing, e-mails, laundry, house work. It's like cramming in 8 hours of work into 2-3 hours. I am never caught up. This poor blog is neglected itself. I have about a zillion photos to edit, but obviously not the time for it. In fact I should be doing a ton of other things right now other than blogging.

Sometimes I forget to breathe. Honestly. Some days or a lot of days I don't have enough patience or even a sliver time to shave off anything on a to do list. With how much is constantly going on I don't breathe a lot of the time, or sleep or really do anything by myself. This is when I totally realized---I am a MOM.

I own more sweats than a PE teacher. Honestly... Have you seen me lately? If the show, "What Not To Wear" was still on the air, Stacey and Clinton would be sure to call in an emergency with my wardrobe of sweats, yoga and wind shorts, not to mention I can't remember the last time I curled my hair or painted my nails. But at the very least, at I don't wear my pajamas to Walmart (well not yet anyways).

I worry a lot. After a year of loss of my best friend, my job, my husband's job and hurdles of unemployment, lawyers and trying put  a business together without ever taking a single business class (I have BA in Social Work)---everything has been a giant leap in to a pool of uncertainty. I would be lying to say that I am not petrified of not being busy enough this winter to keep up with the business. It's my first winter handing non-season without primary job or even a secondary.

Being "fired," did a lot good and bad. The good is that I don't have to be mistreated by an employer who violated Human Rights and then terminated me by the a Minnesota Law "Employment at will." The state is still currently investigating the charge and I have moved on to filing as well in the court system since my former employer is not willing to talk settlement outside of court. Some day I keep telling myself this will be over. I not a quitter, I am fighter and I will WIN. My former, former boss was amazing. One day when we were chatting about life and chatting about my future in photography he asked me this, "Why are you afraid to take a chance?" You can't always be scared of taking a chance. Until then, I was so scared and then I replayed that conversation over and over and suddenly I was less afraid.

I have never been so happy. I love photography, I love my clients (seriously I don't know how I get so lucky to meet such great clients and get invited into their lives and watch their children and families grow). I feel at home. I know this is what I should be doing. I just need to make money. I know it doesn't happen overnight--but a girl can dream, right?

As much as I love my passion, we need roof over our head, food on the table and clothes on our backs. I will do anything and everything for my boys.. So this is when a passion has to take a back seat for the real life. Financially going from two incomes, to one, to none and back to basically one, that's living on half of what we used to. It's hard, REALLY, REALLY hard. Not that you should throw your money around, but I miss going to Target and filling my cart with a bunch of junk I am sure I didn't need and then leaving the store "slightly guilty," but knowing I'll still have enough money to make my car payment, buy food, put gas in the car etc.  I miss feeling like it's ok to spend money and not feeling guilty for every penny spent that doesn't go to the bare necessities.

Then comes rejection. Termination has put a big stigma on the applications/resumes. I have had a few interviews in the last year and put out countless applications and resumes and never heard anything back. I actually turned down a couple of interviews because my confidence. It's so hard to move past something as awful as wrongful termination. I didn't do anything to lose my job, but yet I get a termination label slapped on me sending a stigma that I did something that caused to me lose my job. It's basically like going in to a battle (interview) one sided-- or like doing a prison term for something you didn't commit.

Wounds definitely take time to heal and confidence, worthiness and a whole lotta time to rebuild. Last month I saw a listing in the paper for a job opportunity. For the first time in almost a year, I was excited about the potential of rejoining the workforce and confident. I applied and got a call to schedule an interview the very next day. I interviewed a week later and the following week I got a rejection letter. Honestly it's feeling like a part of me died again. I was more than qualified, the interview went awesome and I wasn't even asked about termination. It would have been an exciting opportunity. To say I am bummed is an understatement. It's the first job I have actually wanted in the last year and just didn't apply to for the sake of applying. I don't plan on applying for any social work positions at this time. It's been too emotionally draining for myself, I don't feel like I would be doing myself or anyone else justice in working a field mental health when I have to do everything I can to hold myself together and MOVE forward.

Moving forward is easier said than done, especially with pot holes and twist and turns just when something is feeling right. I admit I also struggle a lot with knowing when I do go back to work someday a part of me will also have put these two AMAZING boys back into daycare/preschool full time. I wish this world didn't revolve around money. The whole world would be a better.

Life is hard not matter who you are whether you share your feelings or keep them bottled up tight. I choose to write because I know there is someone else out there feeling the same way, having the same thoughts and moving forward, even if it's at a turtle's pace.

As crazy and each day is, life will work out. God has a plan for me, for us, for our family---so I'll continue to tread water until I can swim again someday.

For now I'll hug my boys and try to breathe and be positive.

And just maybe buy a lottery ticket.









 

Miles @ 23 Months

Favorite capture @ 23 months.

Oh goodness... The next post is the big one. TWO.


I've started to put together at least one set-up for two year pictures. YIKES...I'm trying a studio session with a 2 year old, so I just maybe setting myself up for failure. Though have you seen the recent Viking/Flannel posts on istagram? He was pretty much hamming it up for those and even saying cheese... too bad my camera sucks on my phone and he was blurry in most of them. It's time to upgrade to the iPhone 6 soon. So, just maybe he will give me a few more smiles than he did last year. I honestly don't need a 1,000 good ones. I would settle for one awesome one and 4-5 decent ones. :)

We haven't decided what we are doing for his birthday. It's a Monday, Doug will be at work and it's normally a daycare/pre-school day, but I'll plan to keep Miles home that day and his cake will have big trucks on it  and that's about as far as I've gotten with planning (better get a move on this).

At 23 months he is:


1. Saying "Momma & Dadda" FINALLY.  (Big truck was his first word).
2. Loves bubbles and would stay in the bath tub all night if you let him or until he ran out of bubbles.
3. He has some mad dance skills and uses them all the time (I need to get video).
4. Doesn't like watermelon, but could live off butter.
5. Has at least 10 blankets and plugs in rotation. He seems to have gotten off having favorites (yes).
6. Mimics everything.
7. Time outs 1-2 times a day (does AMAZING with them, even says sorry unprompted).
8. LOVES to be carried. Or to be rephrased, "WILL NOT WALK LONG DISTANCES."
9. Jumping. Jumping from the coffee table to the couch, jumping on/off beds and tables. He's a jumper.
10. Attempting small transitions to potty training. Having him sit at bath time, or getting dressed.
11. He thinks he needs to brush his teeth every time he goes into the bathroom.
12. Likes watch (cooking, writing, editing, typing).
13. Loves applying lip gloss--- it's his favorite morning activity while I am getting ready.
14. He is fascinated by poop. Another favorite activity is picking up dog poop in the yard.
15. When he is done he is done. The minute he announces he is done and you don't jump on it a sippy cup goes flying off the high chair or he climbs out of the shopping cart.
16. Will practically do anything for fruit snacks or a sucker.
17. Separation anxiety is finally winding down a little, no more crying at daycare drop off.
18. Likes to frustrate his big brother---knocking down his tower or blocks is a favorite.
19. The word "treat" is pretty much magic at this house.
20. Napping has been inconsistent over the past month, shorter or non at all (it's not pretty without).
21. Besides loving trucks, he likes Bears.
22. No toddler bed, anytime soon. We transitioned Harrison between 20-22 months---won't be happening this time :)
23. He is so stinking cute and friendly. Randomly says hi/bye to people at stores hams himself up to people he doesn't know.

Ready or not.. TWO is next.





 

Pre-K 2

Today marks the unofficial start to fall; it's the day after Labor Day. Kids head back to school and we slowly start the "everyday," routine again. It's not that I don't like the "everyday" routine... but it makes me miss summer, even before it's really, REALLY gone. It's making sure the kids get to bed by 8/8:30 as opposed to "oh crap, it's 10 PM already."  Summer is when... it's ok to eat chicken nuggets and French fries for the third evening in a row. Summer is playing outside until 9PM , because it's still light out. We make every moment count of a Minnesota Summer.

I was listening to the radio the other day and suggestion they had, especially for us northerners is start a fall bucket list, so we are not consumed with thoughts of the next 9 months of cold and darkness (I may have added the 9 months part, because it totally feels that way around here).

There is one thing I particularly happy about this September... He isn't a kindergartener, just yet.

Today Doug dropped Harrison off as an official Back Yard Kid. At our child care center, preschool is divided into two groups. Preschool 1 and preschool 2. Harrison is now one of the "big kids." Since his birthday falls in late November he has one more year of preschool before he enters Kindergarten next year. Which also means his mom and dad only have one more year to debate Public or Montessori school.

New classroom. new teacher. I'm sure he'll rock his last year.

Happy Back to School!