She's was not just a dog...she was my best friend.
I sit and write when I am consumed with emotions. I've been on the verge of breaking all week. I really need to carve out a little "me" time once in a while to just have a good cry. That happened tonight.
Why is this so hard? Why? Why? WHY?
I don't know if I have been living in denial she's been gone for 2.5 months? If losing my job clouded my grief, if it's the holidays or a combination of all 3 that has brought me to where I am at right now.
I'm trying to find words to even describe how hard it is to look photos of her, yet I force myself too, because I never want to forget her and the 9 years of memories we made with her.
All of her Christmas ornaments line the top of the Christmas tree (she got a new ornament every year). Her collar with tags hangs on the rearview mirror of my car. Sometimes when fan is blowing her tags catch wind and jingle and there for a split second she's with me.
There isn't a morning that I don't miss the pitter patter of her feet on our bedroom floor as she excitedly waited for someone to get out of bed.
I miss her thinking I was her world. I swear she used to look at me as if I hung the moon and stars. She would do anything for me.
Since she has been gone---I've spent everyday wanting her back, not forever, but just a little longer. Maybe this is where I am going wrong...because I could spend the next 100 days doing the same and not moving forward.
Maybe I don't want to move forward because I want to miss her, because missing her means I am not forgetting her.
I am here to say grief sucks... it pulls you in so many different directions that you end up feeling like you are on a Tilt-A-Whirl and not just that 2 minute carnival version.
I hope doggy heaven is a wonderful place.
Missing you my Whitney Dog.
No comments:
Post a Comment