It's hard to believe that this guy is entering kindergarten this fall. Five years ago I wasn't a mom. I always remembering wanting kids one day...for sure one, maybe two, definitely not three.
Things change after your first is born and suddenly you can't imagine or hardly remember life pre-kids. I'm sure I looked better, actually slept and wasn't up blogging at 2 am :). So, so much is different that if I were to name everything I wouldn't go to bed tonight...but lets just say it's a good different.
I admit I struggle with going back and forth with someday will there be a #3? Two is enough for Doug and he's made that clear from day Miles was born. But on the day Miles was born... that first look into his eyes, new life, new start new everything is so completely and utterly amazing. I can't help but want to feel that feeling again and bring to the world new life.
I'm 30. I figure I have roughly 6-8 more years to decide whether to have another baby or not (and convince my decided husband). So it was a bit of a reality check at my doctors appointment when my doctor said, "you should decide pretty soon if you want to have another baby given your age."
After I got over the initial OMG. I did a little study on statistics and fertility and it is a reality that 30 is downfall to reproductively not to mention I am super high risk and I am someone who actually has to try to get pregnant. All odds against me.
This makes me a little sad. Reality sucks sometimes.
However in talking to my doctor he said, it's rare, even after a women gets her tubes tied not to want or ever not have urge or want to have another baby. I never really thought about it this way. I have friends who just say they just knew they were done and I have others teetering in the same spot I am in. Its just a realization if there is ever a baby #3 someday it's likely I still would come back to this very same feeling/place. Damn these women hormones.
For now... I need to know that it's ok with not even knowing if I (we) will ever be done having kids, life will decide that.
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